Crosswords / Sudoku / Quiz
ACTUALLY, YES, IT IS WHAT YOU KNOW // BY NOAH TARNOW
1. BREAKFAST CEREAL HAIKU
Name the popular brand of cereal indicated by each three-line poem.
Small tan puffs of grain
A most loquacious breakfast
When you add the milk
There are no Concords
Nor cashews, almonds, filberts
This name puzzles me
You like something else?
Must consume bowls aplenty
Or just one of this
Mute child enjoyed it
Then consumed Pop Rocks and Coke
He went ka-blammo
2. THE MENTAL PROVERB THESAURUS
Translate these common proverbs from fancyspeak to their more familiar form, including the authors’ names. FOR EXAMPLE: “Everything is decent should it come to completion in a decent fashion.” — Jiggle, pointed stick
“All’s well that ends well.”— Shakespeare
A. “The male deer comes to a complete halt at this spot.” — Verifiable Homo sapiens
B. “ Beyond this time period, all individuals will possess notoriety for a span of one ninety-sixth of a terrain rotation.” — Extended battle, aperture
C. “ Silly ones make haste in the spot at which celestial beings are apprehensive about leaving footprints.”— Catholic leader
D. “ Within this plane of being, zero had certitude with the exception of life-cessation and government-issued levees.”— Type of stove
3. THE URBAN LEGENDS CHALLENGE
Fill in the blanks in these modern tall tales.
A. “Some guy in Pennsylvania went to a flea market, right? And he spent $4 on an old wooden _____, and when he ripped it apart, he found an original copy of _____ hidden inside. And he sold it for, like, a couple million dollars.”
B. “There are big giant _____ living all over the place down in the_____ of New York City. They sneak in on cruise ships coming up from Florida.”
C. “Pia Zadora was on Broadway playing the lead in _____. And she was so bad, when the Nazis showed up, someone in the audience shouted, ‘She’s in the _____!’”
D. “This architect designed a new _____ for some university somewhere, but after they built it, it started sinking into the ground because this moron didn’t account for the weight of the _____.”
4. BONUS QUESTION:
One of these tales is true. Which one?
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1.) A: RICE KRISPIES B: GRAPE-NUTS C: TOTAL D: LIFE
2.) A: “THE BUCK STOPS HERE.”—TRUMAN B: “IN THE FUTURE, EVERYONE WILL BE FAMOUS FOR 15
MINUTES.”—WARHOL C: “FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD.”—POPE D: “IN THIS WORLD,
NOTHING IS CERTAIN BUT DEATH AND TAXES.”—FRANKLIN
3.) A. PICTURE FRAME; DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE B. ALLIGATORS; SEWERS
C. THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK; ATTIC D. LIBRARY; BOOKS
4.) BONUS ANSWER: A.